missing out.

I used to think I was missing out on something by not being raised in a Christian home.

The evangelical world taught me this — in their language, in their judgment, in the look on their faces. I felt unwhole, broken, kind of scrapped together, when I sat in a room with people who had grown up in the crowning family. The one that led them the right way, taught them the right things, functioned in proper order. It made me wonder how I escaped from my family at all.

In my straining to be part, to do it right, I allowed my kids to be subject to this kind of thinking, and it permeated everything about my 30’s and 40’s. I strived, conformed, taught, led, influenced - I did everything to make sure my children received a proper upbringing in a Christian home. I was going to give them something I hadn’t experienced, the Truth. Along the way, I allowed people in the church to teach them things that I hadn’t been taught as a child. And as I reflect on that and where it’s taken us, I grieve.

All of that is for another day, but today, I think it’s just us “becoming.” It amazes me how we can fully believe something at one point, only to see it from an entirely different perspective at another time in our lives.

And it brings such wonder how God moves with us through it all. Every moment of every day, I breathe in God’s love + mercy + grace, and my faith is stronger than ever.

If you’re struggling with where you’ve been or where you’re headed, know that God is good, His love endures. People may fail us, but not God.

xo Nicole