I gave him a kiss as he walked in the door, and he leaned back to look at me, “What’s up around here lately? Something’s definitely different.” I hadn’t dared mention it, because I was pretty sure it wouldn’t stick. I hesitated, “What do you mean?” “Everything seems better like a weight’s been lifted.” And I smiled because I knew I was free.

Today was a pretty cool day. I made it through my 7th time reading through the Bible. God always shows me a little something new each time. Here’s what I know after finishing up this pass.

Sometimes palm trees aren’t planted by the water. Sometimes they’re living in a place where they don’t really belong. And for the most part, they thrive anyway. They might be surrounded by concrete with weeds popping through, or lining a drive nowhere near the salty breeze. And yet they thrive.

It’s so easy to want to escape pain and problems. It’s normal for our spirit to feel pressed when trouble comes. Problems strain at destroying our trust in God. It’s normal. Even Jesus’ soul was troubled in the days leading up to the cross.

It’s easy to know we shouldn’t talk bad about other people. But what about when we tear ourselves down? When we discourage, discount, demean, and dismiss our own worth or ability...even if we’re ‘only’ talking inside our head, we still hear our internal voice. And sometimes it can be pretty loud.

My eyes cast down, the ground I see

For 18 years, was home to me

That day the same, as all before

Until He offered so much more

What do you see when you look at me

Hunched and broken under the tree

Holes in my shoes and stench in the air

No shower to wash my scraggly hair

I slept in the woods as you drove by

You glanced, but didn’t hear my cry

It’s strange living as a first gen in the Experiential Age. Our brain is fed a steady diet of images about relationships, body image, career, health, success, achievements, education, caretaking, knowledge, ambition, comparison, living circumstances, best life practices, and on and on.

One of the most beautiful things in the world is hearing a child’s first question. As a parent, it fills us with pride and we think our little one might possibly be the most amazing person in the world.

The middle is our proving ground. It’s where life might hurt, or get tiring, or feel empty. Our eyes are on later, and we’re hoping that whatever it is that’s weighing us down might just fade away.

I used to think I was missing out on something by not being raised in a Christian home. The evangelical world taught me this — in their language, in their judgment, in the look on their faces. I felt unwhole, broken, kind of scrapped together, when I sat in a room with people who had grown up in the crowning family.

Betrayal is bitter. It could be a sibling, a spouse, or a friend. It could be a coworker or boss. It could be our child. It could be ourselves. Betrayal comes in many shapes. And the sting is deep when it happens to us.