Arguments suck. As an enneagram 9, I avoid them at all cost, lol. But sometimes they just can’t be avoided. Does conflict mean our relationship is over? As a 9, sometimes it feels that way. 27 years ago, my husband and I agreed to not threaten divorce, and it’s worked for us so far.

Have you ever felt like Lazarus? Dead + buried for 4 days, when Jesus says, “Lazarus, come out!” Man, what a day! He literally brought Lazarus back to life. What would you think if you saw this happen? Maybe we have a hard time imagining this actually happening. But Jesus does the same thing for us, when we believe. He raises us from the dead, He resurrects our lives.

God doesn’t speak to me. It’s easy to think this when we’re spinning. We feel alone + afraid. Maybe we’re trying to control our emotions, but past traumas have a way of dragging us under. And we’re trying to stop, but it’s hard. It’s hard to stop ourselves from going back to old patterns.

It’s easy to know we shouldn’t talk bad about other people. But what about when we tear ourselves down? When we discourage, discount, demean, and dismiss our own worth or ability...even if we’re ‘only’ talking inside our head, we still hear our internal voice. And sometimes it can be pretty loud.

I’m sorry.

What do we do if people won’t say it?

Do we hold it against them?

Do we wait for someone to humble themself?

Or do we decide to make a change for ourselves?

A quiet, internal shift of choosing to forgive.

My eyes cast down, the ground I see

For 18 years, was home to me

That day the same, as all before

Until He offered so much more

What do you see when you look at me

Hunched and broken under the tree

Holes in my shoes and stench in the air

No shower to wash my scraggly hair

I slept in the woods as you drove by

You glanced, but didn’t hear my cry

When my mom was dying, it was so much more than I thought. She wanted so much for us to be ok, to not be overwhelmed by all of it. A mother’s love keeps going to the very end.

It’s strange living as a first gen in the Experiential Age. Our brain is fed a steady diet of images about relationships, body image, career, health, success, achievements, education, caretaking, knowledge, ambition, comparison, living circumstances, best life practices, and on and on.

One of the most beautiful things in the world is hearing a child’s first question. As a parent, it fills us with pride and we think our little one might possibly be the most amazing person in the world.

The middle is our proving ground. It’s where life might hurt, or get tiring, or feel empty. Our eyes are on later, and we’re hoping that whatever it is that’s weighing us down might just fade away.

I remember your laugh

When we were out

How the whole room

Would fill with that sound